Tag Archives: weirdos

Princess Ruby on phone roulette and a fascination for feet

4 Mar

It is safe to say that my love life has hit a bit of a quiet patch of late. I haven’t gone out much, dated, exchanged texts …or anything else for that matter, since the other side of Christmas. And for a change, I’m not bothered by this somewhat forced solitude (well, almost!).

So this got me thinking….where do you meet someone if you’re not out in pubs and bars these days? Of course there’s internet dating, meeting people through friends and the slightly more risky avenue of hooking up with someone from work (…please proceed with caution!)

These are all good ways of finding love… (or lust); however I’m starting to think that chance encounters need to make a comeback. Situations which are not contrived, involve a few cocktails or you paying a monthly subscription. Just plain old fashioned flirting with strangers.

I can vouch for the fact that a little cheeky smile from a suited and booted man during the peak-hour rush can really brighten up your morning. It’s these unexpected encounters that give you an extra spring in your step.

So as I was writing this blog late on a Sunday night, feeling content with letting fate take its course, it came as quite a surprise that I got a text from an unknown number asking me who I was, quoting a badly misspelt version of my name.

Curious, I responded back asking who they were. And so the conversation began. It turns out he found my name and number scribbled on the back of a business card but couldn’t remember who I was….and the fact that I couldn’t remember giving my number out (or that he had never called!) was a clear indication that we had both been steaming drunk when we met…or that this was indeed a very old business card.

After establishing we both couldn’t recall the details of our initial meeting, our random conversation unfolded over the next few hours…

Tom: You must have been pretty for me to ask for your number. Haha. I’d love to put a name to the face.

Me: Well, maybe you should have called the first time!

Tom: Haha, fair play. Am I too late? Fancy a blind date?

Me: It seems we may have been a little tipsy during our first encounter….maybe you could remind me a little about yourself??

Tom: Hi, my name is Tom. But my friends call me Curlytom or crazy. I’m 28, from Essex, but I live in South London. Love it. I work for a start-up in Waterloo heading up the online marketing dept. My favourite food is chicken kung-po and rum makes me sick. That’s me. Your turn.

Me: Nice to meet you Tom. I’m 30, live in West London and I also work in marketing and do a bit of writing in my spare time. My favourite food is Italian and white wine makes me sick.

Tom: Pleasure to meet you. ’Do you have nice feet?’

My smile fades.

Me: Nice feet?? Umm, are you joking or do you have a thing for feet??

Tom: You could call it a kinky obsession but I believe if a girl looks after her feet, you can guarantee she looks after everything else. Have I freaked you out? Haha

Hmmm….

Princess Ruby on phone roulette and a fascination for feet

Was this what he had in mind?

And so our texts continued. Aside from the feet comment, he appeared to be very funny, so we made plans to meet for a drink later in the week.

However as the date nears…reservations have set in. Was he trying to be funny or was he really harbouring some kinky foot fetish?? I really hope it’s the former. And is this how he usually meets girls…. playing phone roulette…. chasing up girls he never called late on a Sunday night to get his rocks (or feet??) off?

So while this was somewhat an ‘unexpected encounter’ I’m pretty sure this isn’t how Cinderella got her glass slipper (unless Prince Charming had an ulterior foot motive?) – or how I’ll get mine. To be continued…

Princess Sequoia and Internet dating – the WTF??? moments…

12 Feb

How to and how not to approach your target

Actually, let’s concentrate on the how not to’s – they’re a lot more fun. I’ve had a  few approaches from men on the internet that were bordering on the bizarre, and usually, sexually explicit. Fair enough, you’re going to get that and you have to be prepared for it. My standard response to those ones is to delete the email/message – unless I’m feeling really mischevious and play along with it till I get bored.

Snakes on a plane

One of my favourite WTF??? moments was when a man, who had a huge python draped round his neck in his profile picture, contacted me with the opening line – ‘I think you and I might have something in common’. Quite what he based his assumption on I couldn’t tell you, as I’m pretty sure that I didn’t put in my profile that I had a fondness for deadly snakes or a preference for gigantic penises.

Snoop Dogg

The best WTF??? by far though, was the man who messaged me thus:  ‘meet me in the Tesco car park in Stoke on Wold on Saturday afternoon xx’. Even I, used to in my 44 years to many strange manifestations of human behaviour, was momentarily nonplussed at the proposition. How did this person think that this was a good way to introduce themselves to a potential date? Was I just being naive and was this the way people who enjoyed the sport of  ‘dogging’ (vom) made a play? Or perhaps this guy had used this line many times and it had proved successful for him? Was I the innocent here?

Care in the Community

I think though, that perhaps I’m not the naive one.  I think that, along with the photo of the man which made him look like  1)  a psycho or 2) a child rapist or 3) both, my final analysis of him, which was that he was a complete weirdo with mental health issues, was in fact, correct.