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Princess Ruby on phone roulette and a fascination for feet

4 Mar

It is safe to say that my love life has hit a bit of a quiet patch of late. I haven’t gone out much, dated, exchanged texts …or anything else for that matter, since the other side of Christmas. And for a change, I’m not bothered by this somewhat forced solitude (well, almost!).

So this got me thinking….where do you meet someone if you’re not out in pubs and bars these days? Of course there’s internet dating, meeting people through friends and the slightly more risky avenue of hooking up with someone from work (…please proceed with caution!)

These are all good ways of finding love… (or lust); however I’m starting to think that chance encounters need to make a comeback. Situations which are not contrived, involve a few cocktails or you paying a monthly subscription. Just plain old fashioned flirting with strangers.

I can vouch for the fact that a little cheeky smile from a suited and booted man during the peak-hour rush can really brighten up your morning. It’s these unexpected encounters that give you an extra spring in your step.

So as I was writing this blog late on a Sunday night, feeling content with letting fate take its course, it came as quite a surprise that I got a text from an unknown number asking me who I was, quoting a badly misspelt version of my name.

Curious, I responded back asking who they were. And so the conversation began. It turns out he found my name and number scribbled on the back of a business card but couldn’t remember who I was….and the fact that I couldn’t remember giving my number out (or that he had never called!) was a clear indication that we had both been steaming drunk when we met…or that this was indeed a very old business card.

After establishing we both couldn’t recall the details of our initial meeting, our random conversation unfolded over the next few hours…

Tom: You must have been pretty for me to ask for your number. Haha. I’d love to put a name to the face.

Me: Well, maybe you should have called the first time!

Tom: Haha, fair play. Am I too late? Fancy a blind date?

Me: It seems we may have been a little tipsy during our first encounter….maybe you could remind me a little about yourself??

Tom: Hi, my name is Tom. But my friends call me Curlytom or crazy. I’m 28, from Essex, but I live in South London. Love it. I work for a start-up in Waterloo heading up the online marketing dept. My favourite food is chicken kung-po and rum makes me sick. That’s me. Your turn.

Me: Nice to meet you Tom. I’m 30, live in West London and I also work in marketing and do a bit of writing in my spare time. My favourite food is Italian and white wine makes me sick.

Tom: Pleasure to meet you. ’Do you have nice feet?’

My smile fades.

Me: Nice feet?? Umm, are you joking or do you have a thing for feet??

Tom: You could call it a kinky obsession but I believe if a girl looks after her feet, you can guarantee she looks after everything else. Have I freaked you out? Haha

Hmmm….

Princess Ruby on phone roulette and a fascination for feet

Was this what he had in mind?

And so our texts continued. Aside from the feet comment, he appeared to be very funny, so we made plans to meet for a drink later in the week.

However as the date nears…reservations have set in. Was he trying to be funny or was he really harbouring some kinky foot fetish?? I really hope it’s the former. And is this how he usually meets girls…. playing phone roulette…. chasing up girls he never called late on a Sunday night to get his rocks (or feet??) off?

So while this was somewhat an ‘unexpected encounter’ I’m pretty sure this isn’t how Cinderella got her glass slipper (unless Prince Charming had an ulterior foot motive?) – or how I’ll get mine. To be continued…

Princess Sequoia and Internet dating – the WTF??? moments…

12 Feb

How to and how not to approach your target

Actually, let’s concentrate on the how not to’s – they’re a lot more fun. I’ve had a  few approaches from men on the internet that were bordering on the bizarre, and usually, sexually explicit. Fair enough, you’re going to get that and you have to be prepared for it. My standard response to those ones is to delete the email/message – unless I’m feeling really mischevious and play along with it till I get bored.

Snakes on a plane

One of my favourite WTF??? moments was when a man, who had a huge python draped round his neck in his profile picture, contacted me with the opening line – ‘I think you and I might have something in common’. Quite what he based his assumption on I couldn’t tell you, as I’m pretty sure that I didn’t put in my profile that I had a fondness for deadly snakes or a preference for gigantic penises.

Snoop Dogg

The best WTF??? by far though, was the man who messaged me thus:  ‘meet me in the Tesco car park in Stoke on Wold on Saturday afternoon xx’. Even I, used to in my 44 years to many strange manifestations of human behaviour, was momentarily nonplussed at the proposition. How did this person think that this was a good way to introduce themselves to a potential date? Was I just being naive and was this the way people who enjoyed the sport of  ‘dogging’ (vom) made a play? Or perhaps this guy had used this line many times and it had proved successful for him? Was I the innocent here?

Care in the Community

I think though, that perhaps I’m not the naive one.  I think that, along with the photo of the man which made him look like  1)  a psycho or 2) a child rapist or 3) both, my final analysis of him, which was that he was a complete weirdo with mental health issues, was in fact, correct.

Princess Sequoia laments the ‘Unworthy Girlfriend’ Phenomenon

29 Jan

I think I speak for quite a few of us gals when I say that it’s hard enough to get a boyfriend as it is. There are all sorts of obstacles in our way… the man we like is not interested, or he’s got a girlfriend. Or his type is impossibly perfect in some way, or he’s gay. All these things can be overcome (apart from the last one obviously). But there is another, very unpleasant phenomenon that is becoming more and more common…I speak of the strange anomaly that is…….THE UNGRATEFUL, SLIGHTLY UNHINGED GIRLFRIEND!!!

Moaning Minnies

I thought these were an urban myth,  but I have anecdotal evidence from a couple of friends of mine, and ladies, we don’t want to be coming up against this type of loon…any man prepared to put up with the sort of shit that these unhinged females dish out are certainly not worthy of our attention. One male friend of mine had an incomprehensible sense of loyalty to his girlfriend of seven years even though she constantly put him down and wouldn’t sleep with him.

No treats for the Little General

According to him, the fizz had gone out of the relationship many years before, and yet he was still with her. Why?? I asked, flummoxed. Because if I wasn’t around, he answered, I feel like she couldn’t cope. With what? Paying bills, DIY stuff around the house, things like that…I mean REALLY?? Do guys really want to be with someone like that?? He did everything for her,  he tried to keep her happy, bought her whatever she wanted, but all she did was moan at him…

It was then that I looked at him in a different light – we’d been quite close and there was a mutual attraction between us, but because of his girlfriend it was a no go situation. I’d thought he was just a really nice, thoughtful guy – which he was, but I realised that he was also weak – ‘stay unhappy in a situation to avoid a messy confrontation’. To me, that’s a complete turn-off.

Wet and weak = not attractive

When he said that he thought the only way out of the relationship was for him to leave the country, but even then he thought she would harass him, I realised that he was being 1) ridiculous 2) horribly weak and 3) there was probably more to the whole situation that met the eye, so I let it go.

It’s really most unfair on those of us who would make the most wonderful, undemanding, uncomplicated girlfriends……….well, perhaps just wonderful 🙂

<p><a href=”http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/images/view_photog.php?photogid=2125″>Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net</a></p>

Princess Sequoia’s New Year’s Resolutions

8 Jan

New Year = new ideas, fresh start, different perspective blah blah blah.. Yes, unbelievably, January is here AGAIN and here I am blathering on AGAIN about focusing on my career or the lack thereof and how I’m going to forget about relationships and the lack thereof. I was talking to a friend and I reckon she’s got the right idea; her current approach to men is to have a few on the go, like a variety pack – what they’ve got in common is that they’re all young, fit and different types.

Life is like a box of chocolates

So she’s got her accountant, her footballer, her personal trainer, her entrepreneur, her construction worker. Like a box of chocolates, she chooses which flavour she prefers on the day… If one guy lets you down, at least you’ve got another four to choose from. Besides, she told me, right at this moment she wants a lot of fun but no commitment – it means she doesn’t get distracted by emotional minefields like being in love or not being loved enough.

Don’t underestimate fun!

Isn’t it a bit soulless? I asked her, no real security, not having one person really care about you and you both know it’s just in the moment..? Her answer – of course it would be lovely to have all those commitment things…but in reality it doesn’t often work out that way, at least not for her. So why not have a good time with an array of gorgeous, hand picked guys who find her irresistible – it’s a huge ego boost and she can always get good er…sound financial advice for free…

When size really does matter – by Princess Ruby

18 Dec

The ‘size’ debate has never really been settled has it? From a woman’s point of view, I don’t think it’s as big a deal as what men perceive it to be.

Overall, the general consensus is that as long as it’s functioning; does not resemble a cocktail sausage (or the other end of the spectrum…the size of a small snake);  is clean and groomed (boys, we don’t expect a sack wax… but a bit of a trim is always appreciated) – you’re doing ok.

Size matters

However, it seems that since joining the London dating scene, I too have developed a bit of ‘size’ requirement – extending well beyond the size of someone’s, err,  feet. (While we’re on the topic, as you may know, this is not always an accurate guide).

For me, it’s not about the size of their arms or their height (but then again, as I’m five foot….I do think I need to give any potential future offspring a chance, so this does come into play a little). But when it comes down it, it’s all about the size of their bed. I need a man in possession of an ‘adult’ bed; I’m talking, at minimum, a double.

The reason for my prejudice is because my little room near Notting Hill doesn’t allow for more than a king single bed (having chosen location over practicability). I fully accept this is a double standard on my behalf, however dating anyone in a similar circumstance (or even worse…. with a single!!) begs the question… how is this going to work, logistically??

I recently encountered this issue with a struggling scriptwriter I went on a couple of dates with. He was really funny (big tick in the box), and also very creative and passionate about his writing.

However, as he was so devoted to his writing, he only worked part-time which meant he rented a room smaller than mine and slept in a ‘non-adult’ bed…. the dreaded single!  This only came to light after date number two, when we were talking about our dreams to one day live in normal accommodation.

Upon hearing our mutual issue, the same thought spread across our faces… ‘shit!’

As it is, dating in London can be a precarious matter; shared houses, thin walls and cramped living arrangements can make a night of romance an embarrassing affair for all the next morning. Just watch the grin on the faces of any lingering flatmates on route to the nearest exit – there’s a reason it’s called the Walk of Shame.

So it begs the question, am I shallow enough to let the size of a bed stand in the way of true love? Of course not – and in the instance of the scriptwriter, we were searching for different things beyond bigger beds. But it did make me think fussy Goldilocks was onto something during her search for the perfect bed, and that sometimes size really does matter!

Princess Sequoia finds a new hobby – and it’s not men!!

23 Oct

Being a fairly physically active person, and one who spends a lot of time in the gym doing weights, I was disturbed recently by my lack of motivation exercise-wise and realised I had ‘gym fatigue’.

I needed a change of pace – but I didn’t fancy classes or swimming, and I’ve never been much of a runner. I really have to have a goal, a reason to exercise in order for me to get any enjoyment out of it, and I’d been going religiously to the gym for 3 years or so to lose weight. That target achieved more or less, I needed a new one.

I’d always wanted to try boxercise, if not real boxing, and decided to try out the KO Circuit class in a boxing gym near me. I’d known about this place for years, it has a fantastic reputation for bringing along young kids and keeping them out of trouble – the owner of the gym has local hero status. It has also trained all, and I mean all, the boxing greats at one time or another in their careers. For years I’d never quite had the courage to go and try it out, and frankly I had other things to do, like getting drunk and having a good time. And to be honest, I was slightly terrified at the prospect of having my nose plastered all over my face. But at the age of 44, I decided the time had come to stop being a sissy and give boxing a go.

The class is two hours long, consisting of 3 minutes on and 1 minute off (rest) – skipping, punch bags (murderous), shadow boxing, sparring, brutal abdominal work, weights. I sweat like never before – there’s no fancy air-con here, or paper towels to mop up with. It’s a proper, sweaty, man’s boxing gym with a ring smack in the middle – but the people are absolutely wonderful, the trainers have hearts of gold and they really want to see you do well. If they think you’ve got potential and you work hard and want to learn, you get fabulous coaching – in fact you get that anyway. And all for a fraction of the cost of a normal gym. Boxing is one of the most effective types of exercise I’ve ever done, in the shortest amount of time, even with me being over the dreaded 40 mark. And it’s given me exactly the reboot I needed fitness-wise.

The sense of community is fantastic, and it explodes any stereotypical myths one may have about people who box. I’ve come across the most diverse, interesting bunch of people – there are all sorts here.
If you want to try something very different while giving yourself a killer workout which is still enjoyable AND meeting fab new people, try boxing. It’s absolutely knock out.

Princess Ruby on: the demise of her dating mojo and how not to win the lottery

17 Oct

It is safe to say that on many occasions I’ve been more excited about going on a date, rather than actually going out with my ‘date.’ This is partly due to my belief that dating is like playing the lottery..you have to be in it to win it… and I certainly love to play.

The adventure of the whole process – from date to potential mate – is really what makes being single exciting…. you just never know what might happen. Such thrills usually leave me beaming from ear-to-ear, however of late, my beam has gone – I fear I’ve lost my dating mojo.

After some careful consideration, there seems to be a few catalysts for my dating demise: the departure of a boy and Saturday night cocktails.

Let me start with the boy. Funny, cheeky and sweet – we really hit it off. Unfortunately our short-lived romance was doomed from the start – as he was moving to Australia..effectively leaving on a jet plane, not knowing when he’ll come back again!

Therefore returning back to the dating scene can be rather uninspiring when the same buzz….even with the aid of your favourite cocktail…just isn’t there.

And speaking of cocktails – this leads me to my next concern –  I tend to meet my potential suitors when I’m out on a Saturday night, and under the warm and somewhat misleading guide of a drink or two. Therefore if a date follows our initial hazy encounter, I often know so little about them and end up I’m thinking something along the lines of: ‘I could have sworn their hair had been a different colour when I first met them!’

Previously, this would be part of the thrill; the start of many comical mishaps (shortly followed by me tripping over) which would be relayed back in hysterics to my girlfriends.

Having experienced that very situation recently (however to be fair, blonde isn’t too far a stretch from red hair, right?), I’m starting to see how this may not be the best strategy to apply when looking for Prince Charming.

Best case scenario,  you hit it off (which after all, is the aim of the game)…however worst case scenario, the conversation sinks faster than the titanic and leaves you both relying on the aid of more alcohol to get you back to where you were when going out with them seemed like a good idea. Not surprisingly, this process is flawed on many levels – unless you intend to spend your entire relationship in a pub.

So it seems dating really isn’t like playing the lottery. While buying multiple tickets may help increase your chances of securing a win, going on multiple dates with someone you don’t know (or remember) does not. As when it comes to matters of the heart…it takes more than a sequence of numbers to hit the proverbial jackpot!