Princess Ruby’s commandment number one: Thou shall not Facebook stalk

20 Jul

I’m a firm believer that you need to kiss a few frogs before you find your prince, however in traditional fairytales, generally you would only bump into your ex-frog at the local castle’s masquerade ball.

But who knows what would have happened if the likes of Mark Zuckerberg hatched his Facebook baby back then?  One thing’s for sure, things may have ended quite differently for Cinderella if Prince Charming saw those unflattering pictures of her sweeping the dungeon floors wearing second hand curtains and unwashed hair. With sisters like that, no doubt they would have gone tag-happy at every ‘ugly’ opportunity. Bitches.

Hideous photos aside, what’s the protocol when you start dating someone, and they add you as a Facebook friend? If things don’t end as well as they did for Cinderella, do you still remain Facebook friends, or do you digitally delete them? This social phenomenon has become so ingrained in our lives that the post break-up discussion of ‘Facebook de-friending’ is being addressed shortly after who get custody of the DVD collection.

However, if your fling didn’t last long enough to collect any DVD’s, it’s quite possible that the Facebook discussion did not take place – creating a situation where neither party wants to appear rude by initiating the ‘defriending’. The result of this can be masochistic if one of you still holds a little flame for the other – prompting the deadly temptation of a little ‘Facebook stalking’. Repeat after me: THOU SHALL NOT FACEBOOK STALK!

I can preach such words of wisdom, as I too have broken this commandment (several times). And so my story begins.

Two years ago, I dated a very unsuitable beau I worked with for a few months. I was getting over a big break-up, and he didn’t know what he wanted, so our no-strings arrangement worked wonderfully. Unplanned drunken dates were spent sharing no more than a bowl of peanuts (in case it meant something) and entertaining the CCTV camera operators in Mayfair with our antics.

As time went by, he eventually grew tired of my lingering inability to commit and confusion over the ex (fair enough) and ended things. However, by this stage I realised I had become quite fond of our drunken encounters, so suggested we should give things a go. Confusingly, he said he wasn’t ready for a girlfriend.

Fast forward a few months, he had been promoted and was sitting a few metres away from  not-so-secretly-smitten-me – resulting in the whole situation being a little too ‘Bridget Jones’ for my liking.

It was when he got a girlfriend and bragged about her (and her bi-sexuality) to colleagues my heartbreak manifested into some highly destructive behaviour – Facebook stalking.

Did seeing pictures of him with his Singaporean-bisexual-pole-dancing-lawyer-girlfriend make me feel any better? (Yes… this really was my replacement). No!!!  So a word of warning…. thou shall not Facebook stalk – there’s a reason they say ignorance is bliss!


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